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Our First Fight

Austin Gardner • August 23, 2022

floored literally and figuratively

versión en español a continuación


We enjoyed the sweetest dating period ever; not one disagreement, no hurt feeling, not even a contrary word exchanged. We loved being together. Shocked that we could get along so well was the constant statement in our early days. All the other couples talked about our relationship.


Effectively we dated for over seven months without a slight stir in the atmosphere. We were together all the time. 


The closest thing to a fight we had was when Betty confronted me by asking if God was pleased that we were kissing and touching so much. If you recall, I got embarrassed and hid from her for nearly a week. She was right. I was under conviction. There was no fight, just us trying to get right.


All the other time, we seemed like the happiest love birds you had ever met. Looking back, I am pretty sure we had this super sweet relationship because Betty was very patient with me. You remember she even let me win at ping pong or whatever game we played. She had not yet asserted her dominance in those areas!!


We got married. Life was better than could be expected. We spent all of our time together now, it seemed. When classes started back at college, we were only separated when I was in class or at work.


I couldn't wait to get home. Betty was always waiting to see me with open, eager arms. The one time I had hurt her was when I stayed out at the guy's dorm one night, as in a previous story. 


Even then, we didn't fight. Betty cried and cried, and I died inside knowing how I had hurt her.


Then it happened. As a child, I never drank sodas, coke, pop, or whatever you call it at home. We never enjoyed "store-bought" cookies etc. Now I was married to a little rich girl that had things I only got when I rode my bike three miles to the country store. We drank coke-coca cola. 


We are from the south. Those not from the south drink "soda" or "pop." We drink "coke." You can get a "coke" as a Sprite, Fanta, Pepsi, or the "soda" or "pop" of your choosing.


Back in the good ole days, there were no hair dryers or blowers you could hold in your hand. Washing and drying Betty's hair to be so beautiful was quite the project. She would wash it and then roll it onto huge rollers. 


Then she would sit under a hair dryer hood for a long time. Finally, her hair would be where she could finish it. I never discouraged all she did because I thought I had married the most beautiful woman in the world. 


Betty was finally ready for bed in a cute nightgown. Her hair was perfect. She laid down on the bed. 


I was drinking a "coke." I was playing with her. I was joking and laughing. So I went over to the bed and perched over her. I pinned her arms. I was laughing and saying I would give her some coke to drink.


I challenged Betty to open her mouth. I would pour the coke in, promising not to miss her mouth. I was a good shot, and no way I could miss it. She proceeded to tell me that I better not even think about it.


We were both playing. There we are, laughing and playing, having fun. I didn't know that Betty was getting ready to kill me. 


I started to pour the coke while she turned her head back and forth, telling me to stop. I was laughing and laughing.


I want you to remember that we were the same size. I weighed like three pounds more than Betty. Not because she was oversized or overweight, but I was super skinny and undersized.


All of a sudden, she took her leg and kicked me off of her. My coke and I went flying. Suddenly, I found myself on the floor where I had fallen after bouncing off the wall.


I was like, what are you doing? What got into you? We were playing. She told me she didn't like me playing like that. 


Then we had our first fight, a real heart-to-heart. Betty told me I was being selfish. I should understand that it took her hours to care for her hair, and I didn't seem to care.


I said I loved her and she was beautiful. I told her I did care; I was playing. She then let me know that I didn't know how to play. 


She proceeded to tell me that we had gotten along so well because she was the one taking all the hurt, the "hits." Betty told me I never said I was sorry. Betty said I wasn't sensitive and didn't care how she felt. 


I felt floored literally and figuratively. I am stupid, but I was getting a lesson now. I proceeded to tell Betty I loved her over and over and that I was sorry.


The joke has now been that I am the first to say I am sorry for these forty-nine years. I always joke now that Betty was "sorry" for six months of our marriage, but now I am always sorry.


A secret to a good marriage is trying to see things from your partner's point of view. I didn't seem to know that till our first fight.


I need to say that I am sorry and ask for forgiveness before she has time to even think about it. 


So for 49 years, we have been best friends. We have had several good "knock down drag out" fights, but none that taught me so much as that first one.


Within 15 minutes, the fight was over, forgotten. We were back in complete harmony. 


I have told this story all over the world at marriage conferences. So just for a minute, think with me. Be quick to admit you are wrong. Say you are sorry. "Make-up" with each other. Forgive. Forget. Get on with love and enjoy what God has given you.


Get the whole story


Betty, the love of my life

The Call

Hay Day of my Life

"The bro zone!" Like a brother

A Giant Heart

The tractor ride

Never Really Dated!

Shocked & Surprised

Good News

Finding an acorn

Scared my dad!

Send that hillbilly hiking

Who's chasing who?

Betty meets my grandmother

The longest summer ever

Reckless Redneck

Honeymoon

Separated for the first time

We are going to make it

Our first ministry

We needed a mentor

A Mother's Jealousy

My sister wanted to marry me

Holidays as a Married Couple

"Baby Fever" Hits

Beauty Sleeping


Nuestra Primera Pelea


Disfrutamos del período de salir a citas como la más dulce de la historia; ni un desacuerdo, ningún sentimiento herido, ni siquiera una palabra contraria intercambiada. Nos encantaba estar juntos. Sorprendido de que pudiéramos llevarnos tan bien fue la declaración constante en nuestros primeros días. Todas las otras parejas hablaban de nuestra relación.


Efectivamente, salimos durante más de siete meses sin ni un ligero revuelo en el ambiente. Estábamos juntos todo el tiempo.


Lo más parecido a una pelea que tuvimos fue cuando Betty me confrontó y me preguntó si a Dios le agradaba que nos besáramos y tocáramos tanto. Si recuerdas, me avergoncé y me escondí de ella durante casi una semana. Ella tenía razón. Estaba bajo convicción. No hubo pelea, solo nosotros tratando de hacerlo bien.


El resto del tiempo, parecíamos los tortolitos más felices que jamás hayas conocido. Mirando hacia atrás, estoy bastante seguro de que tuvimos esta relación súper dulce porque Betty fue muy paciente conmigo. ¿Recuerdas que incluso me dejó ganar al ping pong o cualquier otro juego que jugáramos? ¡¡Aún no había hecho valer su dominio en esas áreas!!


Nos casamos. La vida era mejor de lo que podía esperarse. Ahora pasábamos todo el tiempo juntos, al parecer. Cuando comenzaron las clases en la universidad, solo nos separaban cuando yo estaba en clase o en el trabajo.


No podía esperar a llegar a casa. Betty siempre estaba esperando verme con los brazos abiertos y anhelosos. La única vez que la lastimé fue cuando me quedé en el dormitorio del chico una noche, como en una historia anterior les conté.


Aun allí, no peleamos. Betty lloró y lloró, y yo morí por dentro sabiendo cuánto la había lastimado.


Entonces sucedió. De niño, nunca bebí sodas, coca cola, gaseosas o como los llamen en casa. Nunca disfrutamos de las galletas "compradas en la tienda", etc. Ahora estaba casado con una niña rica que tenía cosas que yo solo obtenía cuando montaba mi bicicleta tres millas hasta la tienda campesina. Bebimos coca-cola.


Somos del sur. Los que no son del sur beben "soda" o "pop". Nosotros bebemos "coca cola". Puedes tener una "coca cola" como Sprite, Fanta, Pepsi o la "soda" o "pop" de tu elección.


En los viejos tiempos, no habían secadores de pelo ni sopladores que pudieras sostener en la mano. Lavar y secar el cabello de Betty para que estuviera tan hermosa fue todo un proyecto. Lo lavaba y luego lo enrollaba en grandes ruleros.


Luego se sentaba bajo una capa de un secador de pelo durante mucho tiempo. Finalmente, su cabello estaría donde pudiera terminarlo. Nunca la desanimé de todo lo que hacía porque pensé que me había casado con la mujer más hermosa del mundo.


Betty por fin estaba lista para irse a la cama con un lindo camisón. Su cabello estaba perfecto. Ella se acostó en la cama.


Estaba bebiendo una "coca cola” estaba jugando con ella. Estaba bromeando y riéndome. Así que me acerqué a la cama y me senté sobre ella. Le sujeté los brazos. Me estaba riendo y diciendo que le daría un poco de coca cola para beber.


Reté a Betty a que abriera la boca. Le echaría la coca cola, prometiendo no fallaría en hacerlo entrar a su boca. Yo tenía buen tiro, y de ninguna manera podía fallar. Ella procedió a decirme que mejor ni siquiera lo pensara.


Los dos estábamos jugando. Ahí estamos, riendo y jugando, divirtiéndonos. No sabía que Betty se estaba preparando para matarme.


Empecé a rociar la coca cola mientras ella giraba la cabeza de un lado a otro, diciéndome que me detuviera. Yo estaba riéndome y riéndome.


Quiero que recuerdes que éramos del mismo tamaño. Pesaba como tres libras más que Betty. No porque ella fuera demasiada grande o con sobrepeso, sino que yo era súper flaco y demasiado pequeño.


De repente, tomó su pierna y me lanzó de encima de ella. Mi coca cola y yo salimos volando. De repente, me encontré en el suelo donde había caído después de rebotar en la pared.


Yo estaba como, ¿qué estás haciendo? ¿Qué te pasó? Estábamos jugando. Me dijo que no le gustaba que yo jugara así.


Entonces tuvimos nuestra primera pelea, un verdadero corazón a corazón. Betty me dijo que yo estaba siendo egoísta. Debería entender que le tomó horas cuidar su cabello, y que no parecía que me importara.


Dije que la amaba y que era hermosa. Le dije que sí me importaba; estaba jugando. Luego me hizo saber que yo no sabía cómo jugar.


Ella procedió a decirme que nos habíamos llevado muy bien porque ella era la que recibía todo el dolor, los golpes. Betty me dijo que nunca dije que lo sentía. Betty dijo que yo no era sensible y que no me importaba cómo se sentía ella.


Me sentí derribado literal y figurativamente. Soy estúpido, pero ahora estaba recibiendo una lección. Procedí a decirle a Betty que la amaba una y otra vez y que lo sentía.


El chiste ahora ha sido que yo soy el primero en decir lo siento por estos cuarenta y nueve años. Siempre bromeo ahora que Betty “lo sentía" por seis meses de nuestro matrimonio, pero ahora siempre lo siento.


Un secreto para un buen matrimonio es tratar de ver las cosas desde el punto de vista de tu pareja. No parecía saber eso hasta nuestra primera pelea.


Necesito decir que lo siento y pedir perdón antes de que ella tenga tiempo de pensarlo.


Entonces, durante 49 años, hemos sido los mejores amigos. Hemos tenido varias buenas peleas de "derribar y arrastrar", pero ninguna me enseñó tanto como la primera.


En 15 minutos, la pelea había terminado, y estaba olvidada. Estábamos de vuelta en completa armonía.


He contado esta historia por todo el mundo en conferencias de matrimonio. Así que solo por un minuto, piensa conmigo. Sea rápido en admitir que está equivocado. Dí que lo sientes. “Haz las paces" entre ustedes. Perdona. Olvida. Sigan con amor y disfruten lo que Dios les ha dado.



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