Betty and I married on August 18, 1973. Betty's family was super close. They loved, hugged, and always said sweet things to each other. I had not experienced anything remotely like that in my family. 

So getting married and then the thought of moving to serve God overseas was a shock to the Ferguson family. The family always got together for all special occasions. Thanksgiving day was super special. Christmas Day and the entire season surrounding it was even more special to the family. 

Betty and I had made it to every Thanksgiving and Christmas for the first 14 years. We missed our first Thanksgiving in 1987 when we were in Mexico for language school but made it back to the states for Christmas that year. 

Even New Year's Eve was a big deal for the Ferguson family. We would miss the next three Thanksgiving days while we were in Peru and would miss two Christmas days. I can't explain Betty's hurt, anxiety, and separation on those days.

Here I was, taking Betty and our children from her loving family to a foreign country and celebrating the holidays alone.

While we were on deputation, raising our monetary funds, Betty's dad found out that he had prostate cancer. We were on our way to a meeting in South Carolina. That was a stressful time. I knew Betty had to be there for her family.

Did it mean that we would not go to the field? Would we have to postpone, cancel, or what as we planned for Peru? Thankfully Betty's dad got treatment and was cured of his cancer. 

After all of that sweet family drama and at an age that would stop, most anyone Betty's parents visited us in Mexico and then again in Peru. I never realized how old he was because of how well he acted and handled himself. When they went to Mexico, he was 77, and she was 68. They would visit Peru a couple of years later at the age of 79 and 70. 

We traveled to Cuzco and Machu Picchu and did all the tourist stuff. Betty's parents didn't slow down a bit. They hiked every trail, and they never complained nor needed extra rest. 

I tell you all that so that you will see the type of family relationship Betty's family had. If you remember, when I spoke with Betty about going to the mission field, I promised I would do everything I could to have her with her family. 

My plan was to have Betty with her family during our money-raising year, back for Christmas after language school, and only miss two Christmases before returning with the family.

Now, after Mexico, we were back with Betty's family but looming in the background was that we would leave for Peru right after Christmas. 

Betty had pleaded that we did not pack or think so much about Peru till after Christmas. She wanted the family to love the time together for Christmas. I kept saying, ok, but in the first week after Christmas, we will pack up and get out of here.

Betty said that is too much pressure, so let's consider the second or third week. We finally compromised and left the last week of January. 

Now I want you to imagine with me as we began to pack up our lives to move to the other side of our world. Going to Mexico had been tough, but we could load the suburban to the hilt, and we would only be gone for a little over five months each time. 

Now we were packing to move the entire family. We wouldn't be back for nearly three years. At that time, the missionaries in Peru told us to pack in duffle bags. Import taxes would kill us if we took in a container. So here we are, packing for six people in carry-ons, duffle bags, and suitcases. 

The tears of expected loneliness, frustration, and sacrifice filled the bags as Betty packed. I had packed a couple, but she didn't trust my packing. She said everything I packed would get broken, so I was just there bringing things and doing whatever she said. 

Finally, all the bags were packed. Things got weirder and weirder as our departure time approached. What do you talk about? What do you do? Betty already cried at the drop of a hat, and now she was constantly on edge.

I was trying to be the chief encourager. The kids picked up on the vibe in the room. Things were tense. It was almost wrong to be excited about leaving or getting to Peru. 

Do you mention Peru, or is this just telling the family over and over how much you love them and that you will miss them? 

Finally, the day came, and we headed to the airport. The weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth were in full force. A preacher friend, now in heaven, came over to help drive us to the airport. 

Back then, there was no airport security, so about 40 people were at the gate with us. All were crying except the preachers and missionaries, and me. I was so excited I could hardly stand it.

We were the last to get on the airplane. The gate personnel came out and said the gate personnel would close the gate and leave us if we didn't get on immediately. I still felt as though I was pulling Betty onto the plane.

Finally, we were seated on the plane and on our way to Lima, Peru. Betty cried and cried, and so did the children. 

I hurt for every family every time I see them leave for the field. I know how it was for our family. I know how it hurts. 

The cross falls harder on the family than anything else in mission work today. Missionaries can live in nice houses, eat good food, drive great vehicles, and be comfortable all around. Unless they choose to go to and live in a very dangerous place, they can even enjoy physical security, but there is nothing so hard as saying goodbye to the family.

Out of sight and out of mind is true, and it isn't true. However, life goes on, and the other grandkids get more attention, and your children do not develop intimacy with the grandparents and other parts of the family. 

Back in our day, there was no way to be in touch with family except through our landlines, and calls back and forth were several dollars a minute. 

I did get a ham radio or amateur radio and could talk to my dad and even get messages to Betty's family but not very much and not often. 

Here are a couple of thoughts that might help you. 

The deepest cut, hurt, or cross you will probably face is the separation from the family. Know that. Jesus already told us some very harsh words that we like to soften any way we can but consider Luke 14:26 

If any man come to me and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. 

Notice the words hate and father, mother, brothers, sisters, and even his own life. I fear these words are too drastic for most of us today. We want a softer cross. We want to serve but not to hurt or die. 

Today you are well able to stay in touch with your family with all the technology that is available. Use it.

Know that God will do things for you in your new country that you never expected. He will provide you with more than you will ever give up. 

Mark 10:29 And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel's, 30 But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life.

We found that God gave our kids grandparents, family, friends, and more than any of us ever gave up. Go expecting God to do just that.

Do help your wife deal with loving God, you, and her family. Do not demean her. Do not talk about her lack of faith or commitment. That will only hurt things. 

Realize that in the world you currently live in, you can usually be anywhere in less than 48 hours. That means in the case of an emergency; your family can be there for each other. 

A famous old preacher used to say that duties never conflict, and that is true. So you can love your family, but you must love Jesus more.