For every person wronged, there is someone who has done the wrong. What this means is that many—perhaps about half—who are reading this introduction see themselves as victims of injustice, but in point of fact, they have also perpetrated injustice and cruelty of various kinds! As we will discover, we are usually blind to our own faults, magnifying the failure of others and minimizing our own.

Unless we are willing to be honest about our own sins, we will always distort and overreact to the sins of others.

 
"One cutting, bitter word given in the summer," someone has said, "can last all winter!" In fact, it can last for many winters to come. 

A clear conscience allows you to live your life free of offense—before God and before others. To be candid: I believe genuine reconciliation to be the stuff of revival; because once our souls are unclogged of bitterness and hurt, the Spirit of God has freedom to move and heal. 

"WHAT YOU DON'T FORGIVE, you pass on"

A young pastor began a ministry on Saturday mornings to the inmates of the local county jail. Each week he'd go into the jail cells and conduct Bible studies and prayer sessions among the inmates—mostly young white men who were doing time for anything from burglary to habitual drug use. As he'd enter the jail the despair and anger among these nineteen- to twenty-four-year-olds was palpable. When the young pastor asked the warden how so many young men with great promise could end up in such a place, the warden sighed and said, "This place is filled with boys who got tired of waiting for their dads to keep their promises—promises to provide, promises to show up and spend time with them, promises to come home at night— they finally got so angry with the injustice of it, they went out and did stupid things."

 Erwin W. Lutzer, When You’ve Been Wronged: Moving from Bitterness to Forgiveness (Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 2007).

Are you forgiving totally . . . completely . . . utterly . . . absolutely . . . unconditionally . . . entirely . . . wholly? That is how Jesus forgives the sinner, and He expects no less from us. More than that, He makes it the foundation of our prayer life: “If ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matt. 6:15, KJV).

 

bitterness, however much we feel it is justified, will only consume our souls and ultimately achieve nothing.

 you must totally forgive them. Until you totally forgive them you will be in chains. Release them, and you will be released.

I began to notice an interesting cycle. When I allowed the spirit of total forgiveness to reign in my heart, the peace would return; but when I would dwell with resentment on the likelihood that they wouldn’t get caught, the peace would leave.

I had to make an important decision: Which do I prefer—the peace or the bitterness? I couldn’t have it both ways. I began to see that I was the one who was losing by nursing my attitude of unforgiveness. My bitterness wasn’t damaging anyone but myself.

When we are bitter, we delude ourselves into thinking that those who hurt us are more likely to be punished as long as we are set on revenge. We are afraid to let go of those feelings. After all, if we don’t make plans to see that justice is done, how will justice be done? We make ourselves believe that it is up to us to keep the offense alive.

This is a lie—the devil’s lie. “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Rom. 12:19). We only hurt ourselves when we dwell on what has happened to us and fantasize about what it will be like when “they” get punished. Most of all, we grieve the Holy Spirit of God, and this is why we lose our sense of peace.

 
I have come to the conclusion that the primary way we grieve the Spirit in our lives is by fostering bitterness in our hearts. I say this because it is the first thing the apostle Paul mentions after warning us not to grieve the Spirit

—Ephesians 4:30–32


 It is also my experience that the quickest way I seem to lose inner peace is when I allow bitterness to reenter my heart. It’s not worth it! I made a decision for inner peace. But I found that I had to carry out that decision by a daily commitment to forgive those who hurt me, and to forgive them totally. I therefore let them utterly off the hook and resigned myself to this knowledge

:

• They won’t get caught or found out.
• Nobody will ever know what they did.
• They will prosper and be blessed as if they had done no wrong.
What’s more, I actually began to will this! I prayed for it to happen. I asked God to forgive them. But I have had to do this every day to keep the peace within my heart. Having been on both sides, I can tell you: the peace is better. The bitterness isn’t worth it.

one of the primary discoveries of these studies is that the person who gains the most from forgiveness is the person who does the forgiving.

The ultimate proof of total forgiveness takes place when we sincerely petition the Father to let those who have hurt us off the hook—even if they have hurt not only us, but also those close to us.

Totally forgiving someone doesn’t necessarily mean we will want to spend our vacation with them, but it does mean that we release the bitterness in our hearts concerning what they have done.

 R. T. Kendall, Total Forgiveness: When Everything in You Wants to Hold a Grudge, Point a Finger, and Remember the Pain - God Wants You to Lay It All aside (Lake Mary, FL: Charisma House, 2010).

Jesus doesn’t block the Father’s wrath due us, but bears it for us in order to bring the Father’s love.

Charles Spurgeon so vividly said:

His love that chose us did not shrink back from the awful payment which our debt rendered necessary: it was stronger than death, and mightier than the grave. Many waters could not quench it; many floods could not drown it; nor will it cease to exert its blessed influence over us until it shall bring us home to the mansions above; and not even then, for Christ’s love is everlasting.

 Daniel Bush and Noel S. Due, Embracing God as Father: Christian Identity in the Family of God (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2014).

Ritchie did not yet grasp that complete autonomy of the local congregation leads to incompatibility with the wider interests of the church.

The other and even more important reason for the slow development of the work in the main centres was the lack of a trained native ministry.

 Kessler, Conflict in Missions

 It is not a question of opportunity to be offended, but what your response will be. It is an unfortunate fact that, not some, but many are offended and held captive.

 John Bevere, The Bait of Satan, 20th Anniversary Edition (Lake Mary, FL: Charisma House, 2014), vii.

One of his most deceptive and insidious kinds of bait is something every Christian has encountered—offense. Actually, offense itself is not deadly—if it stays in the trap. But if we pick it up and consume it and feed on it in our hearts, then we have become offended. Offended people produce much fruit, such as hurt, anger, outrage, jealousy, resentment, strife, bitterness, hatred, and envy. Some of the consequences of picking up an offense are insults, attacks, wounding, division, separation, broken relationships, betrayal, and backsliding.

Often those who are offended do not even realize they are trapped. They are oblivious to their condition because they are so focused on the wrong that was done to them. They are in denial. The most effective way for the enemy to blind us is to cause us to focus on ourselves.

 John Bevere, The Bait of Satan, 20th Anniversary Edition (Lake Mary, FL: Charisma House, 2014), 1.

Offense is rampant from a lack of genuine love. 

 John Bevere, The Bait of Satan, 20th Anniversary Edition (Lake Mary, FL: Charisma House, 2014), 2.

I refuse to produce the fruit of hurt, anger, outrage, jealousy, resentment, strife, bitterness, hatred, and envy in my life. The power of God’s Spirit at work in my heart will keep the fruit of offense out of my life.

Holy Spirit, destroy every shred of pride in my life, and do not allow it to keep me from being healed, set free, and filled with Your power.

 John Bevere, The Bait of Satan, 20th Anniversary Edition (Lake Mary, FL: Charisma House, 2014), 3.

The closer the relationship, the more severe the offense! You find the greatest hatred among people who were once close.

 John Bevere, The Bait of Satan, 20th Anniversary Edition (Lake Mary, FL: Charisma House, 2014), 5.

The possibilities for offense are as endless as the list of relationships, no matter how complex or simple. This truth remains: Only those you care about can hurt you. You expect more from them—after all, you’ve given more of yourself to them. The higher the expectations, the greater the fall.

 John Bevere, The Bait of Satan, 20th Anniversary Edition (Lake Mary, FL: Charisma House, 2014), 6.

Those who are in quarrels or opposition fall into a trap and are held prisoner to do the devil’s will. Even more alarming, they are unaware of their captivity! Like the prodigal they must come to themselves by awaking to their true condition. They do not realize that they are spewing out bitter waters rather than pure. When a person is deceived, he believes he is right even though he is not.

No matter what the scenario is, we can divide all offended people into two major categories: (1) those who have been treated unjustly and (2) those who believe they have been treated unjustly. People in the second category believe with all their hearts that they have been wronged. Often their conclusions are drawn from inaccurate information. Or their information is accurate, but their conclusion is distorted. Either way, they hurt, and their understanding is darkened. They judge by assumption, appearance, and hearsay.

 John Bevere, The Bait of Satan, 20th Anniversary Edition (Lake Mary, FL: Charisma House, 2014), 7.

Pride masked the true condition of my heart.

Pride keeps you from dealing with truth. It distorts your vision. You never change when you think everything is fine. Pride hardens your heart and dims the eyes of your understanding. It keeps you from the change of heart—repentance—that will set you free. (See 2 Timothy 2:24–26.)

Pride causes you to view yourself as a victim. Your attitude becomes, “I was mistreated and misjudged; therefore, I am justified in my behavior.” Because you believe you are innocent and falsely accused, you hold back forgiveness. Though your true heart condition is hidden from you, it is not hidden from God. Just because you were mistreated, you do not have permission to hold on to an offense. Two wrongs do not make a right!

 John Bevere, The Bait of Satan, 20th Anniversary Edition (Lake Mary, FL: Charisma House, 2014), 7.

They had mistaken their financial strength for spiritual strength. Pride hid their true condition.

 John Bevere, The Bait of Satan, 20th Anniversary Edition (Lake Mary, FL: Charisma House, 2014), 8.

Sin easily hides where there is no heat of trials and afflictions. In times of prosperity and success, even a wicked man will seem kind and generous. Under the heat of trials, however, the impurities surface.

 John Bevere, The Bait of Satan, 20th Anniversary Edition (Lake Mary, FL: Charisma House, 2014), 9.

Jesus said our ability to see correctly is another key to being freed from deception. Often when we are offended we see ourselves as victims and blame those who have hurt us. We justify our bitterness, unforgiveness, anger, envy, and resentment as they surface. Sometimes we even resent those who remind us of others who have hurt us. For this reason Jesus counseled, “Anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see” (Rev. 3:18). See what? Your true condition! That’s the only way we can “be zealous and repent” as Jesus commanded next. You will only repent when you stop blaming other people.

When we blame others and defend our own position, we are blind. We struggle to remove the speck out of our brother’s eye while there is a log in ours. It is the revelation of truth that brings freedom to us. When the Spirit of God shows us our sin, He always does it in such a way that it seems separate from us. This brings conviction, not condemnation.

 John Bevere, The Bait of Satan, 20th Anniversary Edition (Lake Mary, FL: Charisma House, 2014), 9–10.